I am a male narcissist. I am 40 years old, divorced twice with 2 daughters. I am an asshole and you should stay far away from me and never, ever date me. Got your attention?
I know most of us with this disease would not dare admit we have a problem or mental illness but my latest ex-wife had bought many books on the subject of being in love with a narcissist. I decided to research the subject and I realize now that I am a textbook narcissist. I am not clinically diagnosed, but I know I have it. Through this blog I aim to share my stories and why I have done what I have done. For a really good article on what a narcissist does see here: The three phases of a narcissistic relationship
I have always completed the 3 cycles of a narcissistic relationship or, if I couldn’t because the girl left me first, it would drive me insane. And if the girl was a great supply and got a new boyfriend, well I worked overtime to either destroy her new relationship or win her back. If I was successful in either of these then it was only a matter of time before the pattern repeated and I was discarding her again. This has happened ever since I can remember dating (around age 13).
An empty void or always chasing a carrot I cannot catch are great ways to describe what goes on inside me. Every. Single. Day. It also has a lot to do with power and control. When I choose my victims I tend to find ones who have that little bit of a self-confidence issue so I know to play into that. Knowing she is not confident about something makes the over evaluation step so easy, I just have to praise whatever she isn’t confident about over and over again until she is hooked on my attention and is left wanting more. Her looks, her personality, if she has kids and doesn’t think anyone would want to date her. Whatever the girl’s issue is, it stands out to me because of years of practicing looking for this trait.
It is true, I am a heavily experienced con-man in the art of relationships. I will make you feel like the happiest girl in the world until I feel I have control of you and you won’t leave, I will then start to devalue you which usually leads to you wanting me even more and leaves you trying harder, and finally when the void is back or the carrot pops up again or more likely when I feel that I have you so far under my control that you will always be there to come back to when other or newer supply runs out for me I will leave you.
Again, I am by no means bragging here, I know I have hurt many people because of my problem. Two ex wives and countless girlfriends. I have 2 daughters and I am ashamed that they have me for a dad. I am close to seeking professional help, but as you all know that is the hardest thing for a narcissist to do: admit that they themselves are the problem.
What I aim to offer with this blog is insight into what makes us tick or to answer any questions you may have about how we feel or certain things to watch out for so you don’t get into a relationship with someone like me. Call this step 1 in admitting that I have a problem, I’d like to try to help others by sharing my knowledge of the disease. I eventually hope to work up the nerve to seek professional help and will detail what happens in this blog as well.
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog, now stay away from me before I hurt your feelings.