Kindergarten as a forming narcissist, an event that lead to my need to regain control of my supply

Kindergarten, the place where most kids experience their first real social setting with a large amount of peers their own age.  Although I don’t remember what exactly I was thinking or feeling on the very first day of kindergarten my mom later in life told me that I acclimated well.  She said she thought that I would be extremely shy when I first arrived on the morning  of that first day.  What I do remember is meeting a that a female classmate named Jody (names will always be changed in my blog to protect the innocent) who took to me right away.  She came up to me when I entered the classroom and asked me to play with her.  She was always saying hi to me and giving me plenty of attention after that.  She was always praising me and telling me I was cute. She was always telling me how smart I was because I excelled at the learning activities we did in class.  She wanted to hang out with me everyday at school, she was always next to me during circle time and always picked me whenever their was a group activity that required a partner.  When my mom gave birth to my brother that year Jody suggested that the class make cards to deliver to my mom.  And she was the prettiest and most popular girl in the class.  We began hanging out after school and on the weekends.  Either her dad would drop her off at my house or my mom would drop me off at her house for “playdates”.  I felt like the luckiest guy in the world that Jody picked me out of all the kids in school to befriend in such a manner.

I was a very innocent child up to this point.  Always shy and reserved, “well-behaved” as I have indicated in other posts.  Jody was outgoing and friendly, we were polar opposites.  It was during one of our playdates where Jody decided she wanted to take things in what I thought at the time was a weird direction.  Basically, she wanted to play “doctor”.  I remember being uncomfortable about the whole thing as it was my nature to be reserved, but I complied as I didn’t want to disappoint Jody.  This happened a few times on a few different playdates until one time we got caught by her dad.  We were in her attic in a very precarious situation when her dad decided to come check on us.  Needless to say he was furious.  I remember being so scared of him, I wasn’t sure what he was going to do.  He was a good man though, and sat us down and explained to us that this was something for adults only.  I wondered if he knew that it was his daughter, and not me, that instigated the whole thing.  Jody’s dad then drove me to my house and I remember him telling me on the way home that he wasn’t going to tell either of our moms what had happened.  That was such a relief in my eyes as I didn’t want my mom’s pristine opinion of me to be tarnished.

I think the outcome of this situation and how Jody handled it scarred me for life.  The next school day Jody started ignoring me.  She wouldn’t even look at me, much less talk to me.  And then she did something that has left an everlasting effect on my relationships throughout my life.  She started paying attention to another boy in class.  I was devastated.  All the things Jody and I had done together in class she was now doing with this other boy.  Hanging out with him during circle time, praising him and giving him all the attention she used to give me.  It was the first time I felt jealousy.  I resented the other boy for this, even though he hadn’t done anything wrong or consciously done anything against me.  He was the new object of her affection and it killed me.

Later in life this manifested itself in many relationships where I would discard a girl and then once I found out she was seeing someone new I would fly into narcissistic rages towards the girl.  This happened with relationships of all kinds, girls I had dated for years or girls who I had dated for a few months.  After the rage episodes I would then begin actively pursuing the girl again, apologizing for my behavior and trying to regain control of my supply before it was too late.  I never wanted a girl to move on after they had dated me because that meant if I needed their supply again it wouldn’t be available to me.  I would feel this even if I had moved on myself and started dating someone new.  I would do things like telling the girl I still loved them even though I didn’t (narcissists don’t feel real unconditional love: This article explains it well), telling the girl what a dirt bag the new guy was, telling the guy that she was still in love with me and would never love him, stalk the girl and her new lover to find any morsel of evidence that I could use against one of them with the other and many other vengeful things.  Sometimes I was able to regain control of the supply, sometimes I could not.  This particular type of situation was the very reason I married my 2nd wife, I found out she involved with another man so I gave her the ultimate ultimatum (she was also pregnant with my child, so throw that in the mix).  It was a very hairy situation that I will explain in full in a later post.  If I could not regain control of my supply then I felt a deep seated resentment towards her and a hatred and jealousy of the new guy.  I will put more details into some of these relationships in later posts, but I can tell you that I have done some horrible things in my life.

I think that how the situation unfolded with Jody was a major event in my formation as a narcissist.  The constant praise she gave me, the attention, the adoration really built me up.  I gained respect from kids in my class because I had the prettiest and most popular girl in class who adored me.  I was also the smartest kid on my Kindergarten class (or at least I thought so) so I always had the admiration of my teacher as well (remember from a previous post that I was able to read, write and count before entering preschool so I was light years ahead of most of my peers).  I loved that kind of attention and respect and my brain was being wired to figure out how to constantly get that kind of attention and respect.

And so it began.

Narc

Published by

Narc

I'm a 40 year old male narcissist, and I'm going to share my experiences with you so that you can learn how our mind ticks

620 thoughts on “Kindergarten as a forming narcissist, an event that lead to my need to regain control of my supply”

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  253. Hello there! I know this is kinda off topic however I’d figured I’d ask. Would you be interested in trading links or maybe guest authoring a blog post or vice-versa? My blog addresses a lot of the same topics as yours and I feel we could greatly benefit from each other. If you happen to be interested feel free to send me an email. I look forward to hearing from you! Terrific blog by the way!

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  255. I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own weblog and was wondering what all is needed to get set up? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny? I’m not very web savvy so I’m not 100% positive. Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated. Appreciate it

  256. With havin so much content and articles do you ever run into any problems of plagorism or copyright infringement? My blog has a lot of exclusive content I’ve either authored myself or outsourced but it seems a lot of it is popping it up all over the web without my permission. Do you know any solutions to help reduce content from being stolen? I’d truly appreciate it.

  257. Hi there! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a collection of volunteers and starting a new initiative in a community in the same niche. Your blog provided us valuable information to work on. You have done a outstanding job!

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  260. Hi are using WordPress for your blog platform? I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started and create my own. Do you need any coding expertise to make your own blog? Any help would be really appreciated!

  261. I’m really enjoying the theme/design of your site. Do you ever run into any web browser compatibility issues? A couple of my blog visitors have complained about my blog not operating correctly in Explorer but looks great in Opera. Do you have any recommendations to help fix this issue?

  262. Hiya! I know this is kinda off topic however I’d figured I’d ask. Would you be interested in trading links or maybe guest authoring a blog post or vice-versa? My blog discusses a lot of the same subjects as yours and I believe we could greatly benefit from each other. If you are interested feel free to send me an e-mail. I look forward to hearing from you! Fantastic blog by the way!

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  268. When I originally commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get three e-mails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove me from that service? Many thanks!

  269. Today, I went to the beach with my kids. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She put the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is totally off topic but I had to tell someone!

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  274. With havin so much written content do you ever run into any issues of plagorism or copyright violation? My site has a lot of unique content I’ve either created myself or outsourced but it appears a lot of it is popping it up all over the internet without my permission. Do you know any techniques to help stop content from being stolen? I’d certainly appreciate it.

  275. Hi there! I know this is kinda off topic nevertheless I’d figured I’d ask. Would you be interested in trading links or maybe guest authoring a blog post or vice-versa? My blog addresses a lot of the same topics as yours and I feel we could greatly benefit from each other. If you might be interested feel free to send me an e-mail. I look forward to hearing from you! Great blog by the way!

  276. Hmm it appears like your site ate my first comment (it was super long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I wrote and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog. I too am an aspiring blog blogger but I’m still new to the whole thing. Do you have any helpful hints for novice blog writers? I’d genuinely appreciate it.

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  278. Hey! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any problems with hackers? My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing months of hard work due to no data backup. Do you have any methods to prevent hackers?

  279. With havin so much content do you ever run into any problems of plagorism or copyright infringement? My blog has a lot of unique content I’ve either created myself or outsourced but it appears a lot of it is popping it up all over the web without my agreement. Do you know any techniques to help reduce content from being ripped off? I’d genuinely appreciate it.

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  282. I’m curious to find out what blog platform you are working with? I’m experiencing some small security problems with my latest blog and I’d like to find something more secure. Do you have any suggestions?

  283. I’m really enjoying the theme/design of your website. Do you ever run into any web browser compatibility problems? A couple of my blog visitors have complained about my blog not operating correctly in Explorer but looks great in Chrome. Do you have any solutions to help fix this problem?

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  285. Hmm is anyone else experiencing problems with the images on this blog loading? I’m trying to figure out if its a problem on my end or if it’s the blog. Any responses would be greatly appreciated.

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  288. With havin so much content do you ever run into any problems of plagorism or copyright infringement? My blog has a lot of unique content I’ve either created myself or outsourced but it appears a lot of it is popping it up all over the internet without my authorization. Do you know any ways to help prevent content from being ripped off? I’d genuinely appreciate it.

  289. Superb blog! Do you have any helpful hints for aspiring writers? I’m planning to start my own website soon but I’m a little lost on everything. Would you recommend starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid option? There are so many options out there that I’m completely confused .. Any tips? Appreciate it!

  290. Have you ever thought about writing an e-book or guest authoring on other blogs? I have a blog based upon on the same topics you discuss and would really like to have you share some stories/information. I know my readers would appreciate your work. If you’re even remotely interested, feel free to shoot me an email.

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  292. Today, while I was at work, my sister stole my apple ipad and tested to see if it can survive a 25 foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My iPad is now destroyed and she has 83 views. I know this is completely off topic but I had to share it with someone!

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  299. Hey! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a team of volunteers and starting a new project in a community in the same niche. Your blog provided us valuable information to work on. You have done a outstanding job!

  300. I was wondering if you ever considered changing the layout of your site? Its very well written; I love what youve got to say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only having one or 2 images. Maybe you could space it out better?

  301. Hey just wanted to give you a quick heads up. The text in your content seem to be running off the screen in Internet explorer. I’m not sure if this is a formatting issue or something to do with browser compatibility but I thought I’d post to let you know. The design look great though! Hope you get the issue solved soon. Kudos

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  303. Hiya! Quick question that’s totally off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly? My blog looks weird when browsing from my iphone4. I’m trying to find a template or plugin that might be able to resolve this issue. If you have any suggestions, please share. Thank you!

  304. I do not know if it’s just me or if perhaps everybody else encountering issues with your blog. It appears like some of the text on your content are running off the screen. Can someone else please provide feedback and let me know if this is happening to them too? This could be a problem with my browser because I’ve had this happen before. Thank you

  305. Have you ever thought about adding a little bit more than just your articles? I mean, what you say is important and everything. Nevertheless imagine if you added some great images or videos to give your posts more, “pop”! Your content is excellent but with pics and video clips, this website could undeniably be one of the most beneficial in its niche. Very good blog!

  306. Hi, i read your blog occasionally and i own a similar one and i was just wondering if you get a lot of spam responses? If so how do you prevent it, any plugin or anything you can advise? I get so much lately it’s driving me crazy so any help is very much appreciated.

  307. Fantastic blog! Do you have any tips and hints for aspiring writers? I’m planning to start my own website soon but I’m a little lost on everything. Would you recommend starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid option? There are so many options out there that I’m totally confused .. Any recommendations? Thank you!

  308. Hmm is anyone else experiencing problems with the pictures on this blog loading? I’m trying to find out if its a problem on my end or if it’s the blog. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

  309. Howdy! I know this is kind of off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I could get a captcha plugin for my comment form? I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having trouble finding one? Thanks a lot!

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  314. Amazing blog! Do you have any tips and hints for aspiring writers? I’m hoping to start my own blog soon but I’m a little lost on everything. Would you propose starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid option? There are so many options out there that I’m totally confused .. Any tips? Appreciate it!

  315. I’m curious to find out what blog platform you are working with? I’m having some minor security issues with my latest website and I’d like to find something more risk-free. Do you have any solutions?

  316. When I initially commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get several emails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove me from that service? Bless you!

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  318. Greetings! I know this is somewhat off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I could find a captcha plugin for my comment form? I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having trouble finding one? Thanks a lot!

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  323. I don’t know whether it’s just me or if everybody else experiencing issues with your site. It appears like some of the written text in your posts are running off the screen. Can somebody else please comment and let me know if this is happening to them as well? This might be a problem with my web browser because I’ve had this happen before. Cheers

  324. Awesome blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere? A theme like yours with a few simple tweeks would really make my blog stand out. Please let me know where you got your design. Thanks

  325. Yesterday, while I was at work, my cousin stole my iphone and tested to see if it can survive a 25 foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My apple ipad is now destroyed and she has 83 views. I know this is totally off topic but I had to share it with someone!

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  327. Hi there, i read your blog from time to time and i own a similar one and i was just curious if you get a lot of spam responses? If so how do you stop it, any plugin or anything you can recommend? I get so much lately it’s driving me mad so any assistance is very much appreciated.

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  329. Hey! I know this is somewhat off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I could get a captcha plugin for my comment form? I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having trouble finding one? Thanks a lot!

  330. Hi are using WordPress for your site platform? I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started and create my own. Do you need any coding expertise to make your own blog? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

  331. Hey! I’m at work surfing around your blog from my new iphone 4! Just wanted to say I love reading your blog and look forward to all your posts! Keep up the fantastic work!

  332. This design is steller! You most certainly know how to keep a reader entertained. Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Excellent job. I really loved what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it. Too cool!

  333. I absolutely love your blog and find most of your post’s to be what precisely I’m looking for. Would you offer guest writers to write content for you personally? I wouldn’t mind producing a post or elaborating on a few of the subjects you write related to here. Again, awesome site!

  334. Whats up are using WordPress for your site platform? I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started and set up my own. Do you require any coding expertise to make your own blog? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

  335. Do you have a spam problem on this blog; I also am a blogger, and I was wondering your situation; we have developed some nice methods and we are looking to exchange methods with other folks, why not shoot me an email if interested.

  336. Have you ever thought about adding a little bit more than just your articles? I mean, what you say is fundamental and all. But think about if you added some great images or videos to give your posts more, “pop”! Your content is excellent but with pics and video clips, this blog could undeniably be one of the most beneficial in its niche. Terrific blog!

  337. I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own blog and was wondering what all is needed to get setup? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny? I’m not very internet savvy so I’m not 100% sure. Any recommendations or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

  338. I’m curious to find out what blog system you have been working with? I’m having some small security problems with my latest blog and I would like to find something more secure. Do you have any suggestions?

  339. Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though you relied on the video to make your point. You obviously know what youre talking about, why throw away your intelligence on just posting videos to your site when you could be giving us something enlightening to read?

  340. I’m truly enjoying the design and layout of your website. It’s a very easy on the eyes which makes it much more pleasant for me to come here and visit more often. Did you hire out a designer to create your theme? Outstanding work!

  341. With havin so much content do you ever run into any issues of plagorism or copyright violation? My website has a lot of exclusive content I’ve either created myself or outsourced but it looks like a lot of it is popping it up all over the internet without my permission. Do you know any solutions to help protect against content from being ripped off? I’d definitely appreciate it.

  342. Hey there! Would you mind if I share your blog with my zynga group? There’s a lot of people that I think would really appreciate your content. Please let me know. Many thanks

  343. Howdy just wanted to give you a quick heads up. The text in your post seem to be running off the screen in Internet explorer. I’m not sure if this is a format issue or something to do with internet browser compatibility but I thought I’d post to let you know. The design look great though! Hope you get the problem fixed soon. Kudos

  344. Hmm it seems like your site ate my first comment (it was extremely long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I wrote and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog. I as well am an aspiring blog blogger but I’m still new to everything. Do you have any helpful hints for first-time blog writers? I’d definitely appreciate it.

  345. Great blog you have here but I was wanting to know if you knew of any user discussion forums that cover the same topics discussed in this article? I’d really love to be a part of community where I can get responses from other experienced individuals that share the same interest. If you have any recommendations, please let me know. Kudos!

  346. This design is steller! You definitely know how to keep a reader entertained. Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Excellent job. I really enjoyed what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it. Too cool!

  347. Great blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere? A design like yours with a few simple adjustements would really make my blog shine. Please let me know where you got your theme. With thanks

  348. Hey there, I think your website might be having browser compatibility issues. When I look at your website in Firefox, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping. I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that, excellent blog!

  349. Hey there, I think your website might be having browser compatibility issues. When I look at your website in Ie, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping. I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that, wonderful blog!

  350. Hello there! I could have sworn I’ve been to this site before but after browsing through some of the post I realized it’s new to me. Nonetheless, I’m definitely happy I found it and I’ll be book-marking and checking back frequently!

  351. Currently it looks like Expression Engine is the preferred blogging platform out there right now. (from what I’ve read) Is that what you are using on your blog?

  352. Do you mind if I quote a few of your articles as long as I provide credit and sources back to your blog? My blog is in the exact same niche as yours and my visitors would truly benefit from some of the information you provide here. Please let me know if this ok with you. Thanks a lot!

  353. Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you knew of any widgets I could add to my blog that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates. I’ve been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time and was hoping maybe you would have some experience with something like this. Please let me know if you run into anything. I truly enjoy reading your blog and I look forward to your new updates.

  354. Hi, i read your blog occasionally and i own a similar one and i was just wondering if you get a lot of spam feedback? If so how do you prevent it, any plugin or anything you can suggest? I get so much lately it’s driving me crazy so any help is very much appreciated.

  355. Hello fantastic blog! Does running a blog like this take a massive amount work? I have no understanding of coding but I was hoping to start my own blog in the near future. Anyhow, if you have any recommendations or tips for new blog owners please share. I understand this is off subject but I just needed to ask. Thanks a lot!

  356. Have you ever considered writing an e-book or guest authoring on other websites? I have a blog centered on the same information you discuss and would really like to have you share some stories/information. I know my subscribers would value your work. If you’re even remotely interested, feel free to send me an email.

  357. Hey! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any problems with hackers? My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing months of hard work due to no data backup. Do you have any methods to prevent hackers?

  358. Please let me know if you’re looking for a writer for your site. You have some really good posts and I think I would be a good asset. If you ever want to take some of the load off, I’d absolutely love to write some material for your blog in exchange for a link back to mine. Please send me an email if interested. Kudos!

  359. Does your website have a contact page? I’m having problems locating it but, I’d like to send you an email. I’ve got some ideas for your blog you might be interested in hearing. Either way, great blog and I look forward to seeing it grow over time.

  360. Do you mind if I quote a couple of your posts as long as I provide credit and sources back to your site? My blog is in the very same area of interest as yours and my users would definitely benefit from a lot of the information you provide here. Please let me know if this alright with you. Appreciate it!

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  363. Hello there! I know this is somewhat off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I could locate a captcha plugin for my comment form? I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having trouble finding one? Thanks a lot!

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  365. Do you mind if I quote a couple of your articles as long as I provide credit and sources back to your website? My blog site is in the exact same niche as yours and my visitors would definitely benefit from some of the information you provide here. Please let me know if this ok with you. Thanks!

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  367. First of all I want to say fantastic blog! I had a quick question in which I’d like to ask if you don’t mind. I was interested to know how you center yourself and clear your mind before writing. I’ve had a hard time clearing my thoughts in getting my ideas out. I truly do take pleasure in writing however it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are usually lost just trying to figure out how to begin. Any ideas or tips? Kudos!

  368. Hello there! This is kind of off topic but I need some advice from an established blog. Is it very difficult to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty fast. I’m thinking about creating my own but I’m not sure where to start. Do you have any tips or suggestions? Cheers

  369. Wow! This blog looks exactly like my old one! It’s on a completely different subject but it has pretty much the same page layout and design. Wonderful choice of colors!

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  373. This design is spectacular! You certainly know how to keep a reader amused. Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Wonderful job. I really loved what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it. Too cool!

  374. Hello! Do you know if they make any plugins to assist with SEO? I’m trying to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very good gains. If you know of any please share. Thanks!

  375. Hi! This is kind of off topic but I need some help from an established blog. Is it hard to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty fast. I’m thinking about making my own but I’m not sure where to begin. Do you have any points or suggestions? Appreciate it

  376. Greetings! This is my first comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and say I truly enjoy reading through your articles. Can you recommend any other blogs/websites/forums that go over the same subjects? Many thanks!

  377. It’s a shame you don’t have a donate button! I’d certainly donate to this outstanding blog! I suppose for now i’ll settle for bookmarking and adding your RSS feed to my Google account. I look forward to fresh updates and will talk about this site with my Facebook group. Chat soon!

  378. I’m not sure why but this blog is loading very slow for me. Is anyone else having this problem or is it a problem on my end? I’ll check back later and see if the problem still exists.

  379. Hi there! This is kind of off topic but I need some help from an established blog. Is it hard to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty fast. I’m thinking about setting up my own but I’m not sure where to start. Do you have any points or suggestions? Thank you

  380. I’m not sure why but this weblog is loading incredibly slow for me. Is anyone else having this problem or is it a issue on my end? I’ll check back later and see if the problem still exists.

  381. Howdy just wanted to give you a quick heads up. The words in your content seem to be running off the screen in Ie. I’m not sure if this is a formatting issue or something to do with internet browser compatibility but I thought I’d post to let you know. The layout look great though! Hope you get the problem solved soon. Cheers

  382. Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though you relied on the video to make your point. You clearly know what youre talking about, why waste your intelligence on just posting videos to your blog when you could be giving us something enlightening to read?

  383. Do you have a spam issue on this website; I also am a blogger, and I was wondering your situation; many of us have created some nice methods and we are looking to exchange strategies with others, be sure to shoot me an e-mail if interested.

  384. Have you ever thought about writing an e-book or guest authoring on other websites? I have a blog based on the same ideas you discuss and would really like to have you share some stories/information. I know my audience would enjoy your work. If you are even remotely interested, feel free to shoot me an e-mail.

  385. Hello are using WordPress for your site platform? I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started and set up my own. Do you require any coding knowledge to make your own blog? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

  386. Hello would you mind letting me know which web host you’re utilizing? I’ve loaded your blog in 3 completely different browsers and I must say this blog loads a lot quicker then most. Can you suggest a good web hosting provider at a honest price? Thank you, I appreciate it!

  387. This design is wicked! You definitely know how to keep a reader entertained. Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Excellent job. I really enjoyed what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it. Too cool!