4th grade, the start of a troubled childhood

I would have to say 4th grade had the kind of impact on my life that they say can lead to narcissism in a negative way.  They say that narcissists have had some bad experiences in their childhood and when this happens the wall starts getting built.  In 4th grade I had a string of bad experiences.  That coupled with the praise and admiration I had previously had probably was the beginning of me building my wall.

One day early in 4th grade one of the worst social events I had every had up to that point happened one day at school.  I’m not sure what I had eaten the day before or that morning that would’ve caused this event but I digress.  I was sitting in my chair and I felt an awful feeling in my stomach.  I felt bloated and had a few sharp pains in my lower abdomen.  I thought to myself that if I slowly let out a fart it wouldn’t be noticed and would probably help the situation.  It didn’t.  I shit my pants.  It wasn’t a solid shit, it was one of those shits that I knew was runny and was going to smell bad real quick.  The teacher was at the front of the class and I immediately raised my hand.  The teacher came over and I told her “I had an accident”.  She didn’t ask me what kind of accident I had but told me to go to the bathroom and clean myself up.  I went to the bathroom and pulled down my pants and sure enough there was a big spot of diarrhea in my underwear.  Even if I cleaned it up with toilet paper it was going to leave a stain and the smell would be obvious to the other kids.  I went back to the classroom crying.  One of the other boys in my class asked me what was wrong as I entered the classroom and I told him I had an accident.  Probably a mistake.  I went to the front of the class and told the teacher I needed to go home.  She wrote me a pass to go to the main office so I could leave school.  I went home and changed my underwear and went back to school.  It was hard to face my classmates after that.

The resulting effects that this event had on my life were devastating.  I knew the boy I told about my accident told the other students.  I no longer felt their praise and admiration.  This is the time in my life where my scholastic work went downhill.  I remember the exact moment when it happened.  I was in advanced classes in which I was expected to be self-motivated and complete lessons at my own pace.  I decided one day to slow down, to keep the slower pace that even other kids in the advanced program were making.  I no longer wanted to be in the spotlight.  I wanted to distance myself from the spotlight as much as possible in those following moments.  Instead of being known as the kid who was the smartest in the class I felt that I would be known as the smart kid who shit his pants.  If I stayed out of the spotlight nobody would recognize me.

After this awful event I started to build a very thick wall.  I just wanted to be a normal kid for awhile, even though I knew my brain was much more advanced then other kids.  I started to have real social problems, clamming up even more than usual in social circles.  Kids started to notice this even more and I started getting bullied for it.  Kids would be relentless in picking on me, even those that did not know I shit my pants.  In the coming years I would start to develop a sense of purpose to put others down as soon as I could see their weakness.  I hoped to take the spotlight of bullying off of myself by putting others that were weaker than me down.  This is where I really started to develop the underlying self-confidence issues that they say are at the core of a narcissist. Most narcissists really feel bad about themselves under the hood and put on their masks of superiority because of events like this.

The years that followed were filled with me slowing my academic pace and just trying to fit in.  I still loved the spotlight in certain social arenas but fitting in was my new motive.  Establishing dominance over weak individuals began.  The masks that would eventually be worn in my narcissistic adulthood were being formed.

Narc

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Narc

I'm a 40 year old male narcissist, and I'm going to share my experiences with you so that you can learn how our mind ticks

537 thoughts on “4th grade, the start of a troubled childhood”

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  229. Hey! Quick question that’s completely off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly? My site looks weird when viewing from my iphone. I’m trying to find a template or plugin that might be able to fix this issue. If you have any suggestions, please share. Thank you!

  230. This design is steller! You definitely know how to keep a reader entertained. Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Excellent job. I really enjoyed what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it. Too cool!

  231. Hello! This is kind of off topic but I need some advice from an established blog. Is it very difficult to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty quick. I’m thinking about making my own but I’m not sure where to begin. Do you have any ideas or suggestions? Many thanks

  232. Howdy would you mind stating which blog platform you’re using? I’m planning to start my own blog in the near future but I’m having a hard time making a decision between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal. The reason I ask is because your layout seems different then most blogs and I’m looking for something unique. P.S Apologies for getting off-topic but I had to ask!

  233. Admiring the persistence you put into your website and in depth information you provide. It’s great to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same out of date rehashed information. Wonderful read! I’ve saved your site and I’m including your RSS feeds to my Google account.

  234. Does your blog have a contact page? I’m having a tough time locating it but, I’d like to shoot you an email. I’ve got some suggestions for your blog you might be interested in hearing. Either way, great site and I look forward to seeing it grow over time.

  235. With havin so much written content do you ever run into any problems of plagorism or copyright infringement? My website has a lot of exclusive content I’ve either created myself or outsourced but it appears a lot of it is popping it up all over the internet without my agreement. Do you know any techniques to help reduce content from being stolen? I’d certainly appreciate it.

  236. Hello would you mind letting me know which webhost you’re working with? I’ve loaded your blog in 3 different browsers and I must say this blog loads a lot faster then most. Can you recommend a good web hosting provider at a fair price? Thanks a lot, I appreciate it!

  237. I’m not sure exactly why but this site is loading extremely slow for me. Is anyone else having this problem or is it a issue on my end? I’ll check back later on and see if the problem still exists.

  238. Howdy this is kind of of off topic but I was wondering if blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually code with HTML. I’m starting a blog soon but have no coding knowledge so I wanted to get advice from someone with experience. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

  239. Hello there! I know this is kind of off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I could find a captcha plugin for my comment form? I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having trouble finding one? Thanks a lot!

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  241. Do you mind if I quote a couple of your articles as long as I provide credit and sources back to your webpage? My website is in the exact same area of interest as yours and my visitors would really benefit from a lot of the information you provide here. Please let me know if this alright with you. Cheers!

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  243. Today, while I was at work, my sister stole my apple ipad and tested to see if it can survive a 25 foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My iPad is now destroyed and she has 83 views. I know this is completely off topic but I had to share it with someone!

  244. Hi exceptional website! Does running a blog such as this require a great deal of work? I’ve absolutely no understanding of computer programming however I was hoping to start my own blog in the near future. Anyways, if you have any ideas or tips for new blog owners please share. I understand this is off topic however I just needed to ask. Thanks!

  245. Today, I went to the beach front with my kids. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She placed the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is entirely off topic but I had to tell someone!

  246. Have you ever considered about adding a little bit more than just your articles? I mean, what you say is valuable and all. However just imagine if you added some great photos or video clips to give your posts more, “pop”! Your content is excellent but with images and videos, this website could undeniably be one of the very best in its field. Great blog!

  247. My developer is trying to persuade me to move to .net from PHP. I have always disliked the idea because of the expenses. But he’s tryiong none the less. I’ve been using WordPress on various websites for about a year and am anxious about switching to another platform. I have heard very good things about blogengine.net. Is there a way I can transfer all my wordpress posts into it? Any kind of help would be greatly appreciated!

  248. Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though you relied on the video to make your point. You clearly know what youre talking about, why waste your intelligence on just posting videos to your site when you could be giving us something enlightening to read?

  249. I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own weblog and was wondering what all is needed to get setup? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny? I’m not very internet smart so I’m not 100% positive. Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

  250. Greetings from Florida! I’m bored at work so I decided to browse your website on my iphone during lunch break. I really like the info you provide here and can’t wait to take a look when I get home. I’m surprised at how quick your blog loaded on my cell phone .. I’m not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyways, excellent site!

  251. Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though you relied on the video to make your point. You clearly know what youre talking about, why waste your intelligence on just posting videos to your weblog when you could be giving us something informative to read?

  252. Hello there! I could have sworn I’ve been to this website before but after reading through some of the post I realized it’s new to me. Anyhow, I’m definitely glad I found it and I’ll be bookmarking and checking back often!

  253. Howdy! This is my 1st comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and tell you I truly enjoy reading through your blog posts. Can you suggest any other blogs/websites/forums that go over the same subjects? Many thanks!

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  255. Good day! Do you know if they make any plugins to assist with Search Engine Optimization? I’m trying to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very good success. If you know of any please share. Kudos!

  256. Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you knew of any widgets I could add to my blog that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates. I’ve been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time and was hoping maybe you would have some experience with something like this. Please let me know if you run into anything. I truly enjoy reading your blog and I look forward to your new updates.

  257. Good day! I know this is kinda off topic but I was wondering which blog platform are you using for this site? I’m getting sick and tired of WordPress because I’ve had issues with hackers and I’m looking at alternatives for another platform. I would be fantastic if you could point me in the direction of a good platform.

  258. Sweet blog! I found it while browsing on Yahoo News. Do you have any suggestions on how to get listed in Yahoo News? I’ve been trying for a while but I never seem to get there! Thanks

  259. Hi there! This is kind of off topic but I need some guidance from an established blog. Is it very hard to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty fast. I’m thinking about creating my own but I’m not sure where to start. Do you have any tips or suggestions? With thanks

  260. Hello! I realize this is kind of off-topic however I had to ask. Does running a well-established blog such as yours take a massive amount work? I am brand new to blogging but I do write in my diary everyday. I’d like to start a blog so I can easily share my personal experience and thoughts online. Please let me know if you have any kind of suggestions or tips for brand new aspiring bloggers. Appreciate it!

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  262. Very good website you have here but I was wondering if you knew of any community forums that cover the same topics talked about here? I’d really like to be a part of online community where I can get comments from other experienced people that share the same interest. If you have any recommendations, please let me know. Thanks!

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  264. With havin so much content do you ever run into any issues of plagorism or copyright violation? My site has a lot of unique content I’ve either authored myself or outsourced but it seems a lot of it is popping it up all over the web without my agreement. Do you know any solutions to help protect against content from being ripped off? I’d genuinely appreciate it.

  265. Howdy! I could have sworn I’ve been to this blog before but after checking through some of the post I realized it’s new to me. Anyhow, I’m definitely happy I found it and I’ll be bookmarking and checking back often!

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  267. The other day, while I was at work, my cousin stole my iPad and tested to see if it can survive a twenty five foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My apple ipad is now destroyed and she has 83 views. I know this is totally off topic but I had to share it with someone!

  268. Hi! Quick question that’s totally off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly? My blog looks weird when browsing from my iphone4. I’m trying to find a template or plugin that might be able to resolve this problem. If you have any suggestions, please share. With thanks!

  269. Wonderful blog! I found it while surfing around on Yahoo News. Do you have any suggestions on how to get listed in Yahoo News? I’ve been trying for a while but I never seem to get there! Thanks

  270. Hi there! I know this is somewhat off-topic but I had to ask. Does running a well-established blog like yours require a large amount of work? I’m brand new to running a blog however I do write in my diary daily. I’d like to start a blog so I will be able to share my personal experience and feelings online. Please let me know if you have any kind of suggestions or tips for brand new aspiring bloggers. Appreciate it!

  271. Howdy! This is my first comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and tell you I really enjoy reading your posts. Can you suggest any other blogs/websites/forums that cover the same topics? Thanks a lot!

  272. Greetings from Los angeles! I’m bored at work so I decided to check out your blog on my iphone during lunch break. I really like the information you provide here and can’t wait to take a look when I get home. I’m shocked at how quick your blog loaded on my phone .. I’m not even using WIFI, just 3G .. Anyways, very good site!

  273. Admiring the commitment you put into your website and detailed information you offer. It’s great to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same outdated rehashed material. Excellent read! I’ve bookmarked your site and I’m including your RSS feeds to my Google account.

  274. Good day! I know this is somewhat off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I could get a captcha plugin for my comment form? I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having difficulty finding one? Thanks a lot!

  275. Have you ever considered publishing an e-book or guest authoring on other blogs? I have a blog centered on the same topics you discuss and would love to have you share some stories/information. I know my visitors would appreciate your work. If you are even remotely interested, feel free to send me an e mail.

  276. Great blog you have here but I was wondering if you knew of any community forums that cover the same topics talked about in this article? I’d really love to be a part of community where I can get opinions from other experienced people that share the same interest. If you have any recommendations, please let me know. Many thanks!

  277. Greetings! I know this is kinda off topic nevertheless I’d figured I’d ask. Would you be interested in exchanging links or maybe guest writing a blog article or vice-versa? My website goes over a lot of the same subjects as yours and I think we could greatly benefit from each other. If you are interested feel free to send me an e-mail. I look forward to hearing from you! Excellent blog by the way!

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  279. Have you ever considered about including a little bit more than just your articles? I mean, what you say is valuable and all. However think about if you added some great graphics or video clips to give your posts more, “pop”! Your content is excellent but with images and video clips, this site could undeniably be one of the very best in its niche. Excellent blog!

  280. Hmm is anyone else having problems with the pictures on this blog loading? I’m trying to determine if its a problem on my end or if it’s the blog. Any feed-back would be greatly appreciated.

  281. Howdy! Do you know if they make any plugins to help with Search Engine Optimization? I’m trying to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very good gains. If you know of any please share. Thank you!

  282. I don’t know whether it’s just me or if perhaps everybody else experiencing problems with your website. It seems like some of the written text within your content are running off the screen. Can someone else please comment and let me know if this is happening to them as well? This could be a issue with my web browser because I’ve had this happen before. Thanks

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  288. Hi there! I know this is kinda off topic however I’d figured I’d ask. Would you be interested in exchanging links or maybe guest authoring a blog article or vice-versa? My website goes over a lot of the same subjects as yours and I think we could greatly benefit from each other. If you’re interested feel free to shoot me an e-mail. I look forward to hearing from you! Fantastic blog by the way!

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  291. Hey there just wanted to give you a brief heads up and let you know a few of the images aren’t loading properly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different internet browsers and both show the same outcome.

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  295. Hey there just wanted to give you a brief heads up and let you know a few of the pictures aren’t loading correctly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different web browsers and both show the same outcome.

  296. I’m curious to find out what blog system you’re using? I’m having some minor security problems with my latest site and I would like to find something more safeguarded. Do you have any suggestions?

  297. Hey just wanted to give you a quick heads up. The words in your article seem to be running off the screen in Firefox. I’m not sure if this is a formatting issue or something to do with web browser compatibility but I thought I’d post to let you know. The style and design look great though! Hope you get the issue solved soon. Thanks

  298. Howdy just wanted to give you a quick heads up. The text in your post seem to be running off the screen in Safari. I’m not sure if this is a format issue or something to do with internet browser compatibility but I figured I’d post to let you know. The design look great though! Hope you get the issue fixed soon. Cheers

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  301. Heya just wanted to give you a brief heads up and let you know a few of the pictures aren’t loading correctly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different browsers and both show the same results.

  302. Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you knew of any widgets I could add to my blog that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates. I’ve been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time and was hoping maybe you would have some experience with something like this. Please let me know if you run into anything. I truly enjoy reading your blog and I look forward to your new updates.

  303. Hmm it seems like your website ate my first comment (it was extremely long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I had written and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog. I too am an aspiring blog blogger but I’m still new to everything. Do you have any tips and hints for first-time blog writers? I’d definitely appreciate it.

  304. Hi just wanted to give you a brief heads up and let you know a few of the pictures aren’t loading properly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different web browsers and both show the same results.

  305. Hey just wanted to give you a quick heads up. The words in your article seem to be running off the screen in Firefox. I’m not sure if this is a format issue or something to do with internet browser compatibility but I thought I’d post to let you know. The design and style look great though! Hope you get the problem fixed soon. Thanks

  306. I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own blog and was curious what all is needed to get set up? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny? I’m not very web savvy so I’m not 100% certain. Any suggestions or advice would be greatly appreciated. Kudos

  307. Appreciating the commitment you put into your website and in depth information you present. It’s good to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same outdated rehashed information. Excellent read! I’ve saved your site and I’m including your RSS feeds to my Google account.

  308. I am really loving the theme/design of your blog. Do you ever run into any browser compatibility problems? A small number of my blog audience have complained about my blog not working correctly in Explorer but looks great in Safari. Do you have any recommendations to help fix this problem?

  309. I’m not sure why but this website is loading very slow for me. Is anyone else having this issue or is it a problem on my end? I’ll check back later and see if the problem still exists.

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  313. Hi, i read your blog from time to time and i own a similar one and i was just wondering if you get a lot of spam responses? If so how do you prevent it, any plugin or anything you can suggest? I get so much lately it’s driving me insane so any help is very much appreciated.

  314. Have you ever considered about including a little bit more than just your articles? I mean, what you say is fundamental and all. But imagine if you added some great graphics or videos to give your posts more, “pop”! Your content is excellent but with pics and video clips, this blog could definitely be one of the best in its niche. Awesome blog!

  315. Hello, I think your website might be having browser compatibility issues. When I look at your blog site in Firefox, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping. I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that, superb blog!

  316. I don’t know if it’s just me or if perhaps everyone else experiencing problems with your website. It appears like some of the text within your content are running off the screen. Can somebody else please provide feedback and let me know if this is happening to them too? This might be a issue with my browser because I’ve had this happen before. Many thanks

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  319. Hello! I realize this is somewhat off-topic however I needed to ask. Does managing a well-established blog like yours take a lot of work? I’m completely new to operating a blog but I do write in my diary daily. I’d like to start a blog so I can share my experience and thoughts online. Please let me know if you have any kind of recommendations or tips for brand new aspiring blog owners. Appreciate it!

  320. Awesome site you have here but I was wanting to know if you knew of any discussion boards that cover the same topics discussed in this article? I’d really love to be a part of online community where I can get responses from other experienced individuals that share the same interest. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. Kudos!

  321. Hi would you mind stating which blog platform you’re using? I’m looking to start my own blog soon but I’m having a hard time choosing between BlogEngine/Wordpress/B2evolution and Drupal. The reason I ask is because your design seems different then most blogs and I’m looking for something unique. P.S Sorry for being off-topic but I had to ask!

  322. Hmm it seems like your website ate my first comment (it was super long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I submitted and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog. I as well am an aspiring blog writer but I’m still new to everything. Do you have any suggestions for inexperienced blog writers? I’d definitely appreciate it.

  323. Hey there just wanted to give you a quick heads up. The words in your content seem to be running off the screen in Firefox. I’m not sure if this is a format issue or something to do with browser compatibility but I figured I’d post to let you know. The layout look great though! Hope you get the issue fixed soon. Thanks

  324. I was wondering if you ever thought of changing the layout of your blog? Its very well written; I love what youve got to say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only having one or two pictures. Maybe you could space it out better?

  325. I do not know whether it’s just me or if perhaps everyone else encountering problems with your site. It appears as though some of the written text in your content are running off the screen. Can somebody else please comment and let me know if this is happening to them too? This could be a issue with my internet browser because I’ve had this happen before. Appreciate it

  326. I’m really enjoying the theme/design of your web site. Do you ever run into any internet browser compatibility issues? A few of my blog readers have complained about my site not working correctly in Explorer but looks great in Firefox. Do you have any tips to help fix this problem?

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  328. Hi there! I know this is kinda off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I could locate a captcha plugin for my comment form? I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having trouble finding one? Thanks a lot!

  329. Hey! This post could not be written any better! Reading through this post reminds me of my good old room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward this post to him. Fairly certain he will have a good read. Thank you for sharing!

  330. Hi there! I could have sworn I’ve been to this site before but after browsing through some of the post I realized it’s new to me. Nonetheless, I’m definitely delighted I found it and I’ll be book-marking and checking back often!

  331. Good day! I could have sworn I’ve been to this website before but after browsing through some of the post I realized it’s new to me. Anyhow, I’m definitely happy I found it and I’ll be book-marking and checking back frequently!

  332. When I originally commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get four emails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove people from that service? Cheers!

  333. I really like your blog.. very nice colors & theme. Did you design this website yourself or did you hire someone to do it for you? Plz reply as I’m looking to construct my own blog and would like to find out where u got this from. thanks

  334. Hello there! I know this is somewhat off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I could find a captcha plugin for my comment form? I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having trouble finding one? Thanks a lot!

  335. Hello! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a collection of volunteers and starting a new initiative in a community in the same niche. Your blog provided us beneficial information to work on. You have done a extraordinary job!

  336. I was wondering if you ever thought of changing the layout of your website? Its very well written; I love what youve got to say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only having 1 or two pictures. Maybe you could space it out better?

  337. First off I want to say terrific blog! I had a quick question that I’d like to ask if you don’t mind. I was curious to find out how you center yourself and clear your thoughts prior to writing. I’ve had a difficult time clearing my thoughts in getting my ideas out. I do enjoy writing however it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are generally lost simply just trying to figure out how to begin. Any recommendations or hints? Thank you!

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  339. Hi! I know this is kinda off topic but I was wondering which blog platform are you using for this site? I’m getting sick and tired of WordPress because I’ve had issues with hackers and I’m looking at options for another platform. I would be awesome if you could point me in the direction of a good platform.

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