2nd grade, a conflict brewing inside myself

When I was 4 years old my mom remarried to a man named Rick (name changed).  This was the biggest mistake of her life.  While I love my two brothers and one sister that resulted from this marriage, Rick was a grade A asshole.  He was tall,  handsome, charming.  He drank too much, smoked too much and treated my mom like shit.  And now he was a major influence in my life.  I remember looking up to him in some ways, I wanted to be a “bad boy” like him at times.  This was in complete conflict with the “well mannered” boy that had won me so much praise and admiration from those around me.

I don’t really remember much about 2nd grade, but what I do remember is this:  I was one of the “bad boys” in the classroom that year.  I had two close friends that year and neither of them was good for anything either.  They were always getting in trouble with the teacher.  I was guilty by association a lot of the times.  Yet sometimes I was also in on the shenanigans.  I remember this was the first time in my life I was disciplined for doing something wrong in the classroom.  I don’t remember exactly what I did but the teacher gave my knuckles a good rap with a ruler.

Looking back now I’m sure Rick had a lot to do with this sudden change in my behavior.  He was always bragging about getting in trouble and the hell he raised as a boy.  This was the man I was now living with.  My dad was always in the picture, still about one day a week he would pick me up, but Rick was there every other day.  He treated me decent as a step-son, I don’t recall him ever making me feel like I wasn’t his own.  But damn, did that man have a temper.  When he was pissed off he was usually throwing something, screaming, yelling at my mom and degrading her.  He would send me and my brothers to our rooms for hours.  We were very lucky he was a truck driver as he would be gone for long stints at a time.

I’m not too sure how any of this contributed to my narcissism.  Maybe it was the way Rick treated my mom that might’ve caused me to lose respect for women.  Maybe it was Rick’s fits of rage and how I saw how compliant my mom would get because of them that played a part in creating my own narcissistic rages.  Maybe Rick was a narcissist himself, which leads me to my step-mom.

While my dad had not remarried yet he was living in an apartment with a woman he would eventually marry.  Lisa was an only child with no kids of her own yet.  She was generally a nice lady, also treated me like her own whenever I was with my dad and her on Sundays or the occasional overnight visit on the weekend.  But boy was she stubborn and selfish.  We always had to do what Lisa wanted to do and if she didn’t get her way she would also throw a fit.  She wasn’t as abusive as Rick was.  Her fits usually consisted of a raised voice, not to the point of yelling but more like an upset teacher, and a very slow cadence in which she would describe exactly what was wrong and exactly what you need to do to fix the situation.  For whatever reason this worked very well on my dad, she always got her way.

Again, I’m not sure how either of my step-parents had an affect on my narcissistic behavior.  Somebody recently suggested that maybe I’m not a narcissist at all and that I am the product of narcissistic abuse.  If both Rick and Lisa were narcissists, and their personalities I described above could indicate they were, then maybe this is true.  Maybe I just have narcissistic personality traits that rubbed off on me.  But then I start to think about what really drives me when I make decisions.  The thought process usually goes something like this “How can this benefit me?”.  In every situation.  I don’t do a good deed unless I know somehow it will benefit me.  I don’t help anyone out unless I know I will be able to get a favor in return later.  I don’t enter a relationship unless I feel that I can extract something great out of it.  But I’m willing to entertain the fact that I am not really a narcissist, if you have thoughts on it please leave me a comment in the comment section.

Narc

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Narc

I'm a 40 year old male narcissist, and I'm going to share my experiences with you so that you can learn how our mind ticks

1,166 thoughts on “2nd grade, a conflict brewing inside myself”

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  265. Howdy this is kind of of off topic but I was wondering if blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually code with HTML. I’m starting a blog soon but have no coding skills so I wanted to get advice from someone with experience. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

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  274. Heya this is kind of of off topic but I was wanting to know if blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually code with HTML. I’m starting a blog soon but have no coding know-how so I wanted to get advice from someone with experience. Any help would be enormously appreciated!

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  280. Today, I went to the beach front with my children. I found a sea shell and gave it to my 4 year old daughter and said “You can hear the ocean if you put this to your ear.” She put the shell to her ear and screamed. There was a hermit crab inside and it pinched her ear. She never wants to go back! LoL I know this is completely off topic but I had to tell someone!

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  284. Yesterday, while I was at work, my cousin stole my iphone and tested to see if it can survive a 40 foot drop, just so she can be a youtube sensation. My apple ipad is now destroyed and she has 83 views. I know this is entirely off topic but I had to share it with someone!

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  286. Greetings! This is my first visit to your blog! We are a team of volunteers and starting a new project in a community in the same niche. Your blog provided us valuable information to work on. You have done a marvellous job!

  287. Hmm it appears like your site ate my first comment (it was super long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I had written and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog. I as well am an aspiring blog writer but I’m still new to the whole thing. Do you have any tips for novice blog writers? I’d really appreciate it.

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  289. When I initially commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added” checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get several e-mails with the same comment. Is there any way you can remove people from that service? Thank you!

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  291. Greetings! I know this is somewhat off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I could locate a captcha plugin for my comment form? I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having difficulty finding one? Thanks a lot!

  292. Hi there! This is kind of off topic but I need some advice from an established blog. Is it very hard to set up your own blog? I’m not very techincal but I can figure things out pretty quick. I’m thinking about setting up my own but I’m not sure where to start. Do you have any ideas or suggestions? Appreciate it

  293. I really like your blog.. very nice colors & theme. Did you design this website yourself or did you hire someone to do it for you? Plz reply as I’m looking to construct my own blog and would like to know where u got this from. thanks a lot

  294. Hiya! Quick question that’s totally off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly? My blog looks weird when viewing from my iphone4. I’m trying to find a template or plugin that might be able to resolve this problem. If you have any suggestions, please share. Thank you!

  295. Howdy are using WordPress for your blog platform? I’m new to the blog world but I’m trying to get started and set up my own. Do you require any html coding expertise to make your own blog? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

  296. Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you knew of any widgets I could add to my blog that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates. I’ve been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time and was hoping maybe you would have some experience with something like this. Please let me know if you run into anything. I truly enjoy reading your blog and I look forward to your new updates.

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  301. Hi! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any trouble with hackers? My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing many months of hard work due to no data backup. Do you have any methods to stop hackers?

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  305. Please let me know if you’re looking for a article writer for your weblog. You have some really great articles and I feel I would be a good asset. If you ever want to take some of the load off, I’d love to write some articles for your blog in exchange for a link back to mine. Please send me an e-mail if interested. Kudos!

  306. My coder is trying to convince me to move to .net from PHP. I have always disliked the idea because of the costs. But he’s tryiong none the less. I’ve been using WordPress on a number of websites for about a year and am worried about switching to another platform. I have heard fantastic things about blogengine.net. Is there a way I can transfer all my wordpress posts into it? Any kind of help would be greatly appreciated!

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  314. Hey would you mind letting me know which hosting company you’re working with? I’ve loaded your blog in 3 completely different web browsers and I must say this blog loads a lot faster then most. Can you recommend a good internet hosting provider at a reasonable price? Many thanks, I appreciate it!

  315. Hello! Do you know if they make any plugins to help with Search Engine Optimization? I’m trying to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very good results. If you know of any please share. Thank you!

  316. Please let me know if you’re looking for a author for your blog. You have some really great posts and I feel I would be a good asset. If you ever want to take some of the load off, I’d love to write some content for your blog in exchange for a link back to mine. Please shoot me an email if interested. Kudos!

  317. Hello there! I know this is kinda off topic but I was wondering which blog platform are you using for this site? I’m getting sick and tired of WordPress because I’ve had problems with hackers and I’m looking at options for another platform. I would be fantastic if you could point me in the direction of a good platform.

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  330. Hi there! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any problems with hackers? My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing several weeks of hard work due to no back up. Do you have any methods to stop hackers?

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  332. Hey there would you mind letting me know which web host you’re utilizing? I’ve loaded your blog in 3 completely different browsers and I must say this blog loads a lot faster then most. Can you suggest a good web hosting provider at a reasonable price? Many thanks, I appreciate it!

  333. My programmer is trying to persuade me to move to .net from PHP. I have always disliked the idea because of the costs. But he’s tryiong none the less. I’ve been using WordPress on a number of websites for about a year and am nervous about switching to another platform. I have heard great things about blogengine.net. Is there a way I can import all my wordpress posts into it? Any help would be greatly appreciated!

  334. I am curious to find out what blog platform you are using? I’m having some minor security problems with my latest blog and I’d like to find something more safeguarded. Do you have any recommendations?

  335. I’m really enjoying the design and layout of your blog. It’s a very easy on the eyes which makes it much more pleasant for me to come here and visit more often. Did you hire out a developer to create your theme? Superb work!

  336. Howdy! Do you know if they make any plugins to assist with Search Engine Optimization? I’m trying to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very good gains. If you know of any please share. Cheers!

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  340. Hello there! Do you know if they make any plugins to help with SEO? I’m trying to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very good success. If you know of any please share. Appreciate it!

  341. Hi, I think your blog might be having browser compatibility issues. When I look at your website in Opera, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping. I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that, superb blog!

  342. Fantastic post however I was wondering if you could write a litte more on this subject? I’d be very grateful if you could elaborate a little bit further. Many thanks!

  343. With havin so much written content do you ever run into any issues of plagorism or copyright violation? My website has a lot of completely unique content I’ve either created myself or outsourced but it appears a lot of it is popping it up all over the internet without my authorization. Do you know any methods to help prevent content from being stolen? I’d genuinely appreciate it.

  344. Appreciating the dedication you put into your site and in depth information you provide. It’s good to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same out of date rehashed information. Wonderful read! I’ve saved your site and I’m adding your RSS feeds to my Google account.

  345. Hmm is anyone else having problems with the images on this blog loading? I’m trying to find out if its a problem on my end or if it’s the blog. Any feed-back would be greatly appreciated.

  346. Hi! Quick question that’s entirely off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly? My blog looks weird when browsing from my apple iphone. I’m trying to find a theme or plugin that might be able to correct this issue. If you have any suggestions, please share. Many thanks!

  347. First off I would like to say wonderful blog! I had a quick question that I’d like to ask if you don’t mind. I was interested to find out how you center yourself and clear your thoughts prior to writing. I’ve had difficulty clearing my thoughts in getting my ideas out there. I do take pleasure in writing however it just seems like the first 10 to 15 minutes are lost simply just trying to figure out how to begin. Any recommendations or hints? Kudos!

  348. I was wondering if you ever considered changing the layout of your site? Its very well written; I love what youve got to say. But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only having one or two pictures. Maybe you could space it out better?

  349. My partner and I absolutely love your blog and find almost all of your post’s to be precisely what I’m looking for. Does one offer guest writers to write content to suit your needs? I wouldn’t mind publishing a post or elaborating on some of the subjects you write about here. Again, awesome web site!

  350. Sweet blog! I found it while surfing around on Yahoo News. Do you have any suggestions on how to get listed in Yahoo News? I’ve been trying for a while but I never seem to get there! Thank you

  351. Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though you relied on the video to make your point. You definitely know what youre talking about, why waste your intelligence on just posting videos to your site when you could be giving us something enlightening to read?

  352. I don’t know whether it’s just me or if perhaps everybody else encountering problems with your site. It appears as though some of the text on your content are running off the screen. Can someone else please provide feedback and let me know if this is happening to them too? This could be a issue with my internet browser because I’ve had this happen previously. Cheers

  353. Hi there! I know this is kind of off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I could find a captcha plugin for my comment form? I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having difficulty finding one? Thanks a lot!

  354. Hey! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any issues with hackers? My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing months of hard work due to no data backup. Do you have any methods to protect against hackers?

  355. I don’t know whether it’s just me or if perhaps everyone else experiencing issues with your site. It seems like some of the text on your posts are running off the screen. Can someone else please provide feedback and let me know if this is happening to them too? This could be a problem with my browser because I’ve had this happen previously. Thank you

  356. Hey there! Quick question that’s totally off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly? My blog looks weird when viewing from my iphone. I’m trying to find a theme or plugin that might be able to fix this problem. If you have any recommendations, please share. Cheers!

  357. Good day! This post could not be written any better! Reading through this post reminds me of my old room mate! He always kept chatting about this. I will forward this write-up to him. Pretty sure he will have a good read. Thank you for sharing!

  358. I don’t know if it’s just me or if everyone else encountering problems with your website. It seems like some of the text in your posts are running off the screen. Can someone else please comment and let me know if this is happening to them as well? This might be a problem with my browser because I’ve had this happen previously. Cheers

  359. Hello! Do you know if they make any plugins to assist with SEO? I’m trying to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but I’m not seeing very good gains. If you know of any please share. Appreciate it!

  360. Heya just wanted to give you a brief heads up and let you know a few of the images aren’t loading correctly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different web browsers and both show the same results.

  361. Admiring the time and effort you put into your blog and detailed information you provide. It’s good to come across a blog every once in a while that isn’t the same out of date rehashed information. Fantastic read! I’ve saved your site and I’m adding your RSS feeds to my Google account.

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  363. Howdy, i read your blog occasionally and i own a similar one and i was just wondering if you get a lot of spam remarks? If so how do you reduce it, any plugin or anything you can suggest? I get so much lately it’s driving me insane so any support is very much appreciated.

  364. Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you knew of any widgets I could add to my blog that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates. I’ve been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time and was hoping maybe you would have some experience with something like this. Please let me know if you run into anything. I truly enjoy reading your blog and I look forward to your new updates.

  365. Does your blog have a contact page? I’m having problems locating it but, I’d like to shoot you an email. I’ve got some recommendations for your blog you might be interested in hearing. Either way, great site and I look forward to seeing it expand over time.

  366. My spouse and I absolutely love your blog and find most of your post’s to be just what I’m looking for. Do you offer guest writers to write content to suit your needs? I wouldn’t mind publishing a post or elaborating on most of the subjects you write with regards to here. Again, awesome blog!

  367. Hello this is kinda of off topic but I was wanting to know if blogs use WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually code with HTML. I’m starting a blog soon but have no coding skills so I wanted to get guidance from someone with experience. Any help would be enormously appreciated!

  368. I’m not sure exactly why but this weblog is loading very slow for me. Is anyone else having this issue or is it a problem on my end? I’ll check back later and see if the problem still exists.

  369. Hey! This is my 1st comment here so I just wanted to give a quick shout out and say I really enjoy reading through your articles. Can you recommend any other blogs/websites/forums that go over the same subjects? Appreciate it!

  370. Hello! I know this is kinda off topic but I was wondering if you knew where I could locate a captcha plugin for my comment form? I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having problems finding one? Thanks a lot!

  371. Hey I know this is off topic but I was wondering if you knew of any widgets I could add to my blog that automatically tweet my newest twitter updates. I’ve been looking for a plug-in like this for quite some time and was hoping maybe you would have some experience with something like this. Please let me know if you run into anything. I truly enjoy reading your blog and I look forward to your new updates.

  372. I do not know if it’s just me or if everyone else experiencing problems with your site. It seems like some of the text within your posts are running off the screen. Can somebody else please comment and let me know if this is happening to them as well? This could be a problem with my internet browser because I’ve had this happen before. Many thanks

  373. Great site you have here but I was curious if you knew of any forums that cover the same topics discussed in this article? I’d really like to be a part of community where I can get advice from other knowledgeable people that share the same interest. If you have any suggestions, please let me know. Kudos!

  374. Howdy! This post could not be written any better! Reading this post reminds me of my previous room mate! He always kept talking about this. I will forward this article to him. Fairly certain he will have a good read. Many thanks for sharing!

  375. Hi, I think your website might be having browser compatibility issues. When I look at your blog in Ie, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping. I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that, fantastic blog!

  376. This design is incredible! You definitely know how to keep a reader amused. Between your wit and your videos, I was almost moved to start my own blog (well, almost…HaHa!) Wonderful job. I really loved what you had to say, and more than that, how you presented it. Too cool!

  377. Amazing blog! Is your theme custom made or did you download it from somewhere? A theme like yours with a few simple adjustements would really make my blog shine. Please let me know where you got your design. With thanks

  378. I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own blog and was wondering what all is needed to get set up? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost a pretty penny? I’m not very web smart so I’m not 100% sure. Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you

  379. My programmer is trying to persuade me to move to .net from PHP. I have always disliked the idea because of the costs. But he’s tryiong none the less. I’ve been using WordPress on numerous websites for about a year and am nervous about switching to another platform. I have heard fantastic things about blogengine.net. Is there a way I can import all my wordpress posts into it? Any help would be really appreciated!

  380. Hey, I think your website might be having browser compatibility issues. When I look at your blog in Ie, it looks fine but when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping. I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that, great blog!

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  383. I’m really enjoying the theme/design of your site. Do you ever run into any web browser compatibility issues? A number of my blog visitors have complained about my blog not operating correctly in Explorer but looks great in Chrome. Do you have any solutions to help fix this issue?

  384. Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though you relied on the video to make your point. You obviously know what youre talking about, why waste your intelligence on just posting videos to your weblog when you could be giving us something enlightening to read?

  385. I do not know if it’s just me or if perhaps everyone else encountering problems with your site. It appears like some of the written text within your posts are running off the screen. Can somebody else please provide feedback and let me know if this is happening to them too? This could be a issue with my browser because I’ve had this happen before. Kudos

  386. Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally, it seems as though you relied on the video to make your point. You definitely know what youre talking about, why waste your intelligence on just posting videos to your weblog when you could be giving us something informative to read?

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